Monkey trouble

Cute, aren't they? 30-ish pound monkeys like these roam all over the forests of Emei Shan, a famous holy mountain in Southwestern China. Pictured above is Allison, my roommate on the steps to our monastery/hostel luring Mr. Monkey forward for a close-up shot.

I thought they were cute too...at first.

Searching for wild monkeys all morning, we were delighted when two curious georges hopped onto our path. Funny and inquisitive, one monkey immediately approached us and began a scratching/staring/glancing routine that got us all to stop and whip out the cameras. Little did I know that these monkeys have actually been trained by pickpocketers of NYC and that I would later be their next victims in a long line of gullible tourists.

If only Tracy had seen monkey #2 flanking our group a moment earlier....By the time she let out a cry of alarm I was already marked as the new target. Before I knew it, the sneaky monkey took a flying leap from a lower stair onto my backpack, and the sudden unexpected weight nearly pulled me backwards down the stairs. Screaming from shock of a monkey attack, I tried to regain my balance and run away. Monkey #2 was quite smart and quickly located the brand new pack of mint oreos stashed in the exposed side net pocket of my pack. After snatching his spoils, he dropped off of my back just in time to avoid the slingshot of a monastery guard who had heard my helpless yelps.

My shock and disbelief at the mischeviousness of wild monkeys was met by laughs and too-little-too-late warnings by workers of the monastery. After recovering from my wild animal attack experience, the event became one of the most humorous of our trip, and we bemoaned only the fact that we were unable to capture this momentous occasion on video. Most of the following day was spent trying to recreate an attack on camera, but our timid attempts proved only mildly successful. So much for proof; you'll just have to believe me.

Woof (woof woof)

In an effort to slow the overcrowding of China's largest cities, the government passed yet another borderline-oppressive regulation one month ago. Effective immediately, residents of Beijing must now abide by the "One Dog Policy."

You heard that right, no more Lady and the Tramp; it's one or the other and you'd better choose soon before the police catch you walking your two cute yappers outside together. Several of our dog-owning friends have begun new lives of deception by only walking their furry friends under the cover of night.

In addition a limited quantity of pets, height of dogs in the cities has also been limited to 30 cm. However, this doesn't seem like much of an issue though since most Chinese prefer little yappy muts anyways (an inference made after steering my bike around countless little pomeranian-like dogs in sweathers, boots, and hats running around the courtyard).

One child, one dog. I'm not sure what they'll limit next, but I'm going to think twice before investing in a pair of beta fish.

Take off your pants to fart

“Take off your pants to fart”

What? Did you just hear what I just heard?

Don't grab for the q-tips yet and please maintain your faith in my Chinese translation ability....this is actually a commonly used Chinese phrase. Now, because the Chinese have a weird way of both doing things and saying things, at first it's hard to know how to interpret this statement. For example, a child almost peed on my shoes as I stepped off the bus last week, and a man walked into our restaurant last night in full pajamas and slippers. As you can see, manners and decency aren't always high on the list around here. Therefore, imagining this expression in its literal sense doesn't seem like that big of a stretch.

Thankfully, this phrase is simply a way to express that a person is making things more complicated than they should be, and can be used in any context. For example: "Cab driver, why did you take off your pants to fart? You could've just taken the third ring road instead!" I would personally go with “making a mountain out of a molehill,” but that’s just me.